Sounds like a title to a song or a poem I suppose but for me those five little words capture a fifteen minute conversation I had with a convicted felon last evening now facing a murder charge. I will not use his name but will call him, Joe!.
Joe is a small framed man, about mid forties I would imagine, African American and has stumbled through this life in a cave of darkness and despair as I have grown to know him over the last few months. My first dealings with Joe was in a chapel service I was conducting and he was being disruptive by talking thus disturbing the purpose of the chapel which is to worship Jesus Christ in word and song. I will not tolerate disrespect from any inmate for that sole purpose and have had several inmates removed from services for that very reason. Joe quieted after I fairly nicely called him down and he realized he was being disruptive. This was before the murder charge for he had just been brought into the jail on a separate felony charge and I think, now, he was coming off his cocaine when the initial chapel service issue arose I described above. I assume Joe did not care too much for me in having handled the disruption but the other thirty inmates appreciated the opportunity to worship in quiet and solitude; as did I!
That night when I returned home Joe would not leave my mind and I felt a burden for him for some reason. I developed a personal letter to him that evening intending to encourage him through this time he was facing; still before the murder charge please keep in mind. I enclosed several other writings I had written from my life journey in the prison ministry that serve to give the recipient something worthwhile to read while incarcerated intending to educate and encourage. As an aside, I have written now close to 1,800 such letters to inmates in other prisons and have received hundreds of letters from them while on their journey. So the letter writing is a corollary ministry that has evolved.
A week or so later I was back at the jail for two more chapel services and Joe was one of those that entered the service for I recognized him as I greeted him. He was embarrassed and downtrodden for the murder charge, I learned, had just been lodged against him that day. I was unaware of that on the entry but when the inmates were seated, I walked back to Joe, shook hands pulling him to standing position and hugged him telling him how glad I was to get to worship with him. He teared immediately and I felt something was going on with Joe I did not know. He was very quiet but attentive the entire service and thanked me warmly on his departure. Joe would not leave my mind nor my heart!
A week later I was back at the Jail for another evening and the corrections officer asked me if I would meet with Joe since he now could not come to the chapel because the murder charge killed that opportunity for that charge made him categorized as a flight or suicide risk so he could not leave his cell area. When the services were over that night the CO took me to Joe and was able to sit across from each other for twenty minutes face-to-face. He was depressed, frail and seemed hopeless. I hurt! As he unpacked the story of his life, which I have heard so many, many times in this eleven years of this work, my heart was moved. I never excuse the crime nor the consequences for they have done the crime so they will do the time; that is consequence for bad choice thus making it worthy of the consequence. That night as I departed for home, I asked Joe if we could pray and he readily wanted me to.
I pulled my chair up to his side, held both his hands in both of mine and I prayed for his heart, his life, his days ahead and for peace in the midst of the storm he faced. I felt his body shaking from crying; a broken, exhausted young man still in cave in which he had lived his entire life. He thanked me as we hugged before I left for him. My heart ached! I wrote him another letter that evening hoping to encourage him and to challenge him to invest time in reading the Bible I had given him the night I just described; to seek God's Will for his life!
That has been roughly four weeks ago and I was back out there last evening for two more services. I asked the CO how Joe was doing and he said he seemed to be doing much better and that he sees him reading his Bible often. He asked me if I wanted to visit with Joe which I did so as I got the second service up and running, the CO escorted me to Joe. We sat and I saw a man with a small smile, he had gained a little weight, he was thrilled I was visiting with him as well as shocked for he had had not a single visitor, letter nor call from anyone since that night I described above. I was so glad I had written him those two times. and gave him a Bible which I wrote a small note in to encourage him.
The countenance of Joe last night was remarkably changed. He was upbeat and appreciative on so many fronts given the fact the charge of murder is still hanging above him. He told me "Jim, I know God is real and I believe He is makeing life better for me each passing day .." I felt myself tearing up but with a sense of joy for the candle that had been lit in his cave of hopelessness. Again on my departure, I pulled him along side of me, held both his hands at the wrists tightly as he gripped mine and I prayed for thanking God for protecting him and lifting him and asking God to continue to light his way through the turmoil of his future. We stood and hugged and he smiled widely, first smile of sincerity I had seen from Joe during our brief few weeks together.
Why do I share this? Many people reading this are in a cave with seemingly no exit and cannot find the light to escape the dungeon of doom. It only takes one candle to be lit for it can be seen for eternity is how I view it. Are you in a cave or would you happen to have a few candles and some matches for some others in dire need of the small ray of light? Be a candle and be proud of that light that comes from the only true source of light which is Christ.
I hope this is an encouragement for each of you; it is for me for my eyes are still wet. Pray for the Joe's of this world for there are far too many to count. I have worked now with nearly 230,000 men and women in a prison environment over these eleven years and guess who still gets the blessing from the toil, disappointments, failures, challenges, smells, frustrations, etc,? That would be me!!
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