Living in a Shadow

Yesterday afternoon turned into an epiphany of sorts for me.  The selection of the title, Living in a Shadow, came to me last night about 11:30 pm as I lay in bed thinking about the day.  Let me share a story of me that may surprise some but hey, it's my story, right?

http://www.al.com/sports/index.ssf/2010/11/all-decade_basketball_teams_19_1.html

When you open that link, you will see a story and a photo of a young ma n,a friend, I knew from the athletic warfare zone of Alabama basketball.  The name Randy Hollingsworth will doubtfully ring any one's bell that will read this but that name was synonymous with a mold that I longed to be poured into as to skills and talents with basketball. 

There were many in the mid 1960s when Randy played at Butler High School in Huntsville, AL and I a Emma Sansom High School in Gadsden, that drew comparisons and parallels with he and I.  We were both about the same height, both has long arms and legs, both loved the game, both had crew cuts and high cheek bones and we both had a similar way of trotting the floor.  Randy was a natural shooter; the best I had ever seen to that time in my playing life.  He had a smooth move to his left or to his right, a very quick release of the ball with deadly accuracy from 20 feet and could drive the basket very well.  Again, the shooting parallels are quite similar for me as well but for me that came from hundreds and hundreds of hours of hard work every day from early morning to late at night in my backyard, the local YMCA, anywhere there was a basketball hoop attached to something. I loved it but it was not natural, the skills, for me for I had to build it into a way of life. I longed to be that good. 

All of that built a value into my repertoire of values that create the real you.  The message ... if you work hard enough and long enough, you can accomplish anything!  There were many that affectionately would refer to me as "Hollingsworth" and that was always a tremendous compliment. I admired Randy and was in awe of what he was given so naturally.  He had two nick names, Bones and Silk and he was both!  My college coach was refer to me as "Randy" many times and that was a lifter for me for I admired Hollingsworth so much. 

Our senior year, 1966, our two schools played three times with two being home and home battles with Butler beating us a total of 64 points; it was not pretty.  Then we drew Butler in the quarter finals of the AHSAA 4A State Basketball Tournament at the University of Alabama and David (ESH) defeated the mighty Goliath (BUTLER) soundly. It was simply amazing and at sixty-three years old the game is so vivid it is striking as I sit here typing this.  But the vortex of this writ is about the life of a man I know not about for through the years I have often wondered what became of Bones, Randy.   He was scholarshipped to play at the University of Alabama and I at a much smaller Livingston State University. Was I envious?  On a grand scale which I am quite ashamed of even to this day.  But to my knowlege, given that tremendous academic opportunity, Randy never played or but very little at Alabama and I believe dropped out his freshman year ... what a waste of opportunity!

As I lay in bed last night, into the early morning hours thinking about what I might write this morning, what prompted the Hollingsworth revival in my mind was not the similarities nor the vividness of  the three years we did battle with each other but more in an article I came across, the link above.  Upon some further investigation including a phone call to the Huntsville Times reporter that wrote the article to learn Randy had died in 2002 apparently in a poor / sad state of circumstances in Randy's life.  The writer I spoke with even used the term "snake bit" to describe the fate of the five young men named to the All Decade team of the 1960s in Madison County, AL three of which I knew well from playing against them.  That just struck me as so unbelievably sad to have so much talent and to have wasted it away for waste is a commodity in life I detest; especially potential... another value in my tool sack of life!

So why Living in the Shadow for a title?  Randy Hollingsworth was a man I admired and yet was extremely envious of for he did not have to work for his talent and I did.  That silky smooth jump shot would keep me up at night and long hours practicing to emulate that move, that silk.  A core difference, however, was in the operational focus of the team coaches. Randy's coach built the Butler Rebels around Randy in a fluid offensive onslaught.  My coach was very conservative, defense-driven, pace control strategy that would seek to keep the score low, play execution paramount and if you were over six feet tall, you were made to block, set picks and rebound and not shoot.

Totally different ends of the spectrum were these two schools. But still I realized yesterday when I realized Randy was taken from this life in 2002 that I have discreetly, quietly but in  very real sense had lived my life longing to bask in the shade of Randy Hollingsworth.  Perhaps that is a sad revelation to the many that know me as confident, focused and passionate but, well, this is a piece of me you now have so maybe my investigative research was in some way therapeutic for me!

While on the phone with the Huntsville Times reporter learning of Randy's demise, I suddenly was taken with pityfor a life gone, lost and apparently wasted. A talent unfulfilled is simply a waste and I sense that the case for this great athlete with the crew cut I envied so much for his natural gift.  It all created within me a metaphorical lifting of my mirror to assess, now, my life against the context of the Randy Hollingsworths of my life and there have been a few I realize.  I am sure each of you have a few bouncing around your mental faculties.

The journey God has brought me on to this very morning has been filled and fraught, mountain tops and gorges, oceans and trickles but the story of Randy brought dimension to my life today.  Why has God allowed me life, a great life that is blessed to touch so many people in so many ways via my teaching, my singing, my ministry, why and yet took this other man from this earth a few years ago, why?  Well, the quick answer is that I have no clue nor should I for only God knows that but here is what I know ... God has a purpose for Jim Williams as he did Randy Hollingsworth, the Shadow in my young life. 

For whatever the reason, God is allowing the more years to seek and utilize the talents and passions innate in me to fulfill that purpose.  I may not smoothly launch a 20 foot jump shot like Randy could but God allows me to launch lifted spirits, a soothing word, a song sung from the heart that soothes and lifts, to be part of the lives of students that has a life long touch and influence. So, for me from yesterday, the only Shadow I long to cool in from the hot sun of life is that of my God and His plan for me.

So the question ... whose shadow are you seeking refuge in?  Think about it!